What’s next..

Long term. Short term. Career. Financial. Physical. Spiritual. When people start talking about goals my hands start to sweat. My heart racing as my brain runs the obsessive thought process of analyzing all the ways I can't or won't succeed at my goals. Usually when I set out to put a goal down on paper (not just rolling around in my head) I'm quite often drawn away from my focus by some other "important" tasks I need to take care of such as cleaning my house, doing laundry or going to the grocery store.  What is it that seemingly paralyzes me from taking that leap to risk and onward strain toward the completion of a goal or project? Have you been there too?

To begin with, I would have to say fear of failure (simply because of past experience) keeps me from actively setting and seeking to follow through on goals.  I know myself all to well to deny that I have a hard time keeping my focus.  Its true that I've begun reading at least 4 books this year, only to leave them half finished as I start another book that I probably won't finish either.  I always think I'll pick it up and finish it, but usually I don't.  Im really glad that God is NOT like me.  His Word promises He will finish what He starts  "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6

The next reason I shrink back from goal setting is I tend to be a little perfectionistic in my thinking. This does not mean that I’m anywhere near perfect- but I want my projects to look like what i see in a Midwest Living magazine or pinterest. That’s a problem when there are time constraints, limited skills and financial deficits. There is a hyper focus that must be present to complete something to my liking (I may need to lower my expectations).

Then I have a hard time narrowing down exactly what i want to accomplish and doing things in small bites of time, which would be quite productive if I would just DO IT!  It might have something to do with getting bored and losing my drive for completing something that causes me to lose interest and not finish what I started. Did I mention I won’t  even start a project because I know I won't finish it... Im starting to see a pattern here. 

Today I will set a small goal. 

There you have it! I finished this blog post I started writing more than thee years ago. Whew I feel so accomplished already.

My favorite time of year

Fall is a beautiful time of year.  In fact its been my favorite time of the year since I was a child and went to grade school at St. Ann's in Carthage, Mo.  Within a few weeks of school starting there was the arrival of a season change which brought more pleasant temperatures, beautiful multi-colored trees and loads of fun playing kickball, Chinese jump rope, freeze tag and even crack-the-whip (Here is how Wikipedia explains the game:

Crack the Whip is a simple outdoor children's game that involves physical coordination, and is usually played in small groups, either on grass or ice. One player, chosen as the "head" of the whip, runs (or skates) around in random directions, with subsequent players holding on to the hand of the previous player. The entire "tail" of the whip moves in those directions, but with much more force toward the end of the tail. The longer the tail, the more the forces act on the last player, and the tighter they have to hold on.

As the game progresses, and more players fall off, some of those who were previously located near the end of the tail and have fallen off can "move up" and be in a more secure position by grabbing onto the tail as it is moving, provided they can get back on before some of the others do. There is no objective to this game other than the enjoyment of the experience.)

Can you imagine the fun?  That was when students were allowed 3. Yes.Three. Recesses a day.  Okay that's not what this post is about so I'll save that for another time.  Fall meant sweatshirt/sweater weather and boots.  FOOTBALL!  The Maple Leaf Parade where friends and family still gather to watch 200+ bands and floats make the 1.5 mile trek to the Carthage Middle School.  I was blessed enough to live on that route for a short period of time and have front row seats to the parade twice.  The first time I had only lived at the corner of Grant and Chestnut for about 2 months, on that particular Saturday morning I had no idea what God had in store for my life.   

I remember the conversation that had recently taken place with a sweet friend of mine who was dying of cancer and how she encouraged me to keep seeking God assuring me of His love.  She was comforting me because I was brokenhearted from a divorce that was now final and overwhelmed by the difficulty of being a single parent.  It made no sense to me.  I asked God why?? Why was my friend, who had a husband that loved her and this beautiful brood of children, why was she so sick? They need her God.  This isn't fair...

Then I looked at my life,  my marriage was over and my children would be shuttled back and forth between 2 homes one weekday, every other weekend and every holiday for the rest of their childhood.  Why wasn't I the one dying of cancer.  God didn't answer my questions that day but I know He was listening.  He had sent this sweet friend and the promise found in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the planss I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prospert you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  It gave me hope to continue on in my struggle.  

On that particular Saturday morning in October it was crisp but a beautiful, sunny day.  My sweet friend felt well enough and came to my house to watch the Maple Leaf Parade.  It was my first weekend without my children and I had not slept all night.  It was an honor and blessing to have a guaranteed place where she and her family could watch the parade.  I wish I had pictures of that day.   I remember her saying some really funny things and we were all laughing.  I wish I had hugged her longer before they left that day. 

The next morning at church my sweet friend was there but did not play the piano (which she always did) and so I assumed she was not feeling well.  The following week was a blur but I remember vividly the phone call I received late Saturday night October 28th.  My mind could not comprehend what the person was saying to me. How could this be true? I had just seen her on Sunday morning. Triumphantly she took her last breath and went home to be with the Lord.  I will never forget her or the influence she had on my life.  Her shared wisdom has continued to help me.  God used her then to answer questions I have now.  He knows the plans He has for our lives.  He has given me hope and a future.

I'm still thankful for Fall and the changing seasons.  Grateful for the beautiful trees, the cooler air, football games and parades.  All of these remind me of the past- good things and hard things and how faithful God is in bringing a life story full circle.  My story. Your story.  His Story.  Fall is a beautiful time of year.