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Oh the wonder of this world. The beauty of God’s creation. Today I noticed a cardinal fly right in front of our truck.  It was a day brightener. The Preacher and I had made a trip to the hills of Arkansas to see our newest grandchild.  Oh goodness what a treat that was. Oh the wonder of this creation. 

            

Some day he will be outdoors, barefoot and joining his sister chasing the chickens around the yard. But for now he slept peacefully in my arms.  His ruddy complexion, large blue eyes and the sweetest little cleft in his chin. I took out his tiny hands from the cuddle he was in and thanked God for the hands He gave my grandson and that He would use those hands for good and honorable purposes. Next I took a peak at his baby feet. Oh the wonder of this life. His mommy tells me that she noticed he has my toes.  I smiled and inside had this indescribable feeling that somehow part of me is part of him. When he peeked out of those big lids I was transported back to 27+ years ago when I looked into the eyes of my son.  This grandson of mine is the marvelous fusion of the love of two people and the grace of an awesome and generous God. Oh the wonder of commitment.  I lean and smell his baby smell, the newness of him.  My heart is about to explode with love as I hold him close and cherish this opportunity.  Time goes by so swiftly so I take a picture in my mind to tuck away and think of often. 

Sitting a few feet away is my son.  He’s reading Little Pilgrim’s Progress to his two and half year old daughter and she is completely engrossed in the story.  She is listening. He is animated. I am humbled and blessed to witness this holy scene. Oh the wonder of witnessing your child be a parent.  All too soon the chapter is over and my granddaughter is ready to be out in the sunshine so she heads for the door, puts her poppy pink crocs on and turns to see who else is going to join her.  That sweet smile is all it takes and her PopPop hops up and is already following her out to see her new chicks in the workshop.  When I look out the window a few minutes later he is pushing her around the driveway pad in her pink “fun buggy”. Oh the wonder of being a grandparent.

                                        

💚

Before we say goodbye this newly minted family of four gathers on the porch swing and I snap some photos of their grinning faces. Baby boy snoozing away, big sister proudly holding her baby brother’s hand, honey-sweet sleep deprived smiles of daddy and mommy.  The bliss of time standing still and capturing this Friday morning in April. Oh the wonder of family. We hug and say “see you soon, love you”.  As we drive down the dusty dirt road part of my heart left behind, I noticed a cardinal fly right in front of our truck and it lifted my spirits.  A reminder from the Lord that He is with our family no matter where we are.  It was a day brightener.  Oh the wonder of a God Who sees me and continues to show me His love. 

                                            

Confessions of a part time insomiac

 Recently I have felt the urge to write a few things again.  The thing that hinders me is that I usually get these mind boggling ideas when I’m in bed lying awake for 2-3 hours at night trying to fall asleep.  Remember what I said recently about being exhausted.. well this is probably one of the big reasons I get to that point.  I can be yawning early on around 8 pm and thinking I’m going to sleep great tonight!  So the wind down begins. I close my book, saunter to the kitchen for a bottle of water then it’s lights out and moving into my private domain. Side note- I have quite a process that I go through before “trying” to fall asleep.  It’s a little embarrassing.. I think I might be a high maintenance sleeper. 

First I check our nest for 67 degrees setting. Turn down the bed, place my water bottle strategically then into the bathroom for face washing, teeth brushing, etc. (initially I wrote out all the things I do but you don’t really care about my nighttime before bed habits so I deleted them) then I’m ready for bed.  Oh wait, fill up the cool mist humidifier because the Preacher has to have fan on year round and our bedroom seems to be airtight. By now my feet are cold which makes for an uncomfortable few minutes warming up once I’m under the covers, poor Preacher. Then chapstick and nasal gel for my always dry sinuses, pillow on the cold side and commence sleeping. Haha wring!  Within approximately 3 minutes my body temperature has adjusted and I’m now having a hot flash and have to throw the comforter off of my side of the bed.  Then I need water and fanning myself. The poor Preacher is used to it. I’m really grateful that he has a  sense of humor. Ok now it’s time to relax. 

With the lights out I begin to think about and pray for my family, all 20 bazillion of them, close guesstimate (Thank You God for the privilege of prayer, please bless by loved ones for the night and day ahead). I’m not telling you this to appear spiritual, because I’m not. I only know that when I was a young mom there were at least 2 people praying for me and our family every day and am convinced it is what helped us get through so many adjustments and truly just the flurry of every day life (God thank You for life with seven kids). I eventually doze off only to wake myself up snoring about 20 minutes later. Then is when the sleep battle begins. The thought train starts the clickety clack down the rails of my mind and I come up with all kinds of to do lists for our house,(God please help me be more content) for the garden I want to plant soon (Lord I do not have a green thumb but hose sunflowers were amazing last year, a repeat performance would be lovely)

and what can I sell on FB Marketplace to declutter our basement. (God I’m sorry we have too much stuff).  From there I am recalling conversations I had during the day where I said something I shouldn’t have (God please forgive my unruly tongue). Roll over, flip my pillow, breath slow, count sheep and try to fall asleep again, then laugh to myself as I’m reminded of the sweet, silly picture I received of a beloved grandchild today (God thank You for my grand babies). This pattern may continue for a few hours until I finally drop off into a pretty deep sleep that lasts til around 4 am when nature calls and I shuffle to the bathroom and return cold, wide awake and back to thinking all the thoughts. 

So maybe I will jot down some of the thoughts I’m thinking instead of just thinking them.  Then maybe I will get some sleep. Maybe..

Lineage

These rapidly changing and uncertain times lead people to ask questions; to take inventory of their lives.  I have to admit it has created a sense of urgency in my heart for my future, and that of my family and loved ones.  My mind starts spinning in contemplation.  How is my crew? Who is my anchor? When I trace the lineage of the past all the way up to today and where I am, where my family is, what do I stand for.  When do I stand in the gap to help others; lost and hurting people?

During this season of my life my prayer life has changed.  I find myself scouring devotionals and consuming scripture for encouragement (to share and to hold onto tightly), yet never feeling as though my duty is complete.  Yes I consider it my duty (and my honor) to bring my family and place them before our holy God and plead with Him to bless them.  I want to remind Him about them every day, my thoughts for them are continual. They are my crew, my clan, my tribe.  Webster defines it as a group of people associated together in a common activity or by common traits or interests.  My hope and dream for my crew is to be fully devoted to loving God, loving others and serving the world.  For any family unity to be evidenced there must remain a steadfast foundation; a mooring.  An anchor is a reliable or principal support; the chief force that is in charge.  In my entire life there has never been anything to compare to the steadfast hope of Jesus Christ.  I trust Him, He is the anchor of my soul.

As a learning and growing follower of Jesus I have hopes, dreams and an overarching concern for loved ones.  I never want to stop yearning for better, brighter and bolder lives.  I recently was able to  witness the confession and baptism of my youngest niece.  That is a hope fulfilled!  It's a dream come true for this believer.  She is the final life of the third generation to give her heart to Jesus! Wow!! Now that is something to celebrate!!  Currently there are 104 living members (this could change any day- a nephew and his wife are expecting their 5th child this month).  Our family is quite unique.  It's built from human brokenness that chose to live a life determined to work hard, dig deep and graft in those God has brought into this family. There isn't a picture perfect configuration but God has blessed us beyond what we deserve.  We are half's, steps, fosters, grafted- in and originals bonded by life and the wonderfully strange circumstances that intertwine our lives.  Trying to be part of each other's lives is a worthy cause; yet it has become exhausting.

I've tried to keep up with the lives of our extended relatives while celebrating our immediate family joys as I'm certain other kin of mine have done, and it is proving to be impossible to not somehow, some way, miss or forget a significant event or gathering of family.  For the preacher and I- our immediate family itself has 20 birthdays and 5 anniversary's.  The next layer includes grandparents that have now become great grandparents as the married third generation bears the fourth generation of this extensive tribe.

My work in prayer is becoming more and more obvious to my heart as I type these words.  Lord give me strength and again a renewed sense of urgency to bring these beautiful lives before Your throne.  I'm so thankful for all of the hard things that have brought me to a greater appreciation of God's plan and how blessed I am to see Him orchestrate all these things with His Sovereign Hand.  What to take from this... count your blessings.  Trust God with the struggles you face.  Keep your eyes on Jesus and behold the miracle of love He is bringing forth from your life and the lives of your precious loved ones.

My favorite time of year

Fall is a beautiful time of year.  In fact its been my favorite time of the year since I was a child and went to grade school at St. Ann's in Carthage, Mo.  Within a few weeks of school starting there was the arrival of a season change which brought more pleasant temperatures, beautiful multi-colored trees and loads of fun playing kickball, Chinese jump rope, freeze tag and even crack-the-whip (Here is how Wikipedia explains the game:

Crack the Whip is a simple outdoor children's game that involves physical coordination, and is usually played in small groups, either on grass or ice. One player, chosen as the "head" of the whip, runs (or skates) around in random directions, with subsequent players holding on to the hand of the previous player. The entire "tail" of the whip moves in those directions, but with much more force toward the end of the tail. The longer the tail, the more the forces act on the last player, and the tighter they have to hold on.

As the game progresses, and more players fall off, some of those who were previously located near the end of the tail and have fallen off can "move up" and be in a more secure position by grabbing onto the tail as it is moving, provided they can get back on before some of the others do. There is no objective to this game other than the enjoyment of the experience.)

Can you imagine the fun?  That was when students were allowed 3. Yes.Three. Recesses a day.  Okay that's not what this post is about so I'll save that for another time.  Fall meant sweatshirt/sweater weather and boots.  FOOTBALL!  The Maple Leaf Parade where friends and family still gather to watch 200+ bands and floats make the 1.5 mile trek to the Carthage Middle School.  I was blessed enough to live on that route for a short period of time and have front row seats to the parade twice.  The first time I had only lived at the corner of Grant and Chestnut for about 2 months, on that particular Saturday morning I had no idea what God had in store for my life.   

I remember the conversation that had recently taken place with a sweet friend of mine who was dying of cancer and how she encouraged me to keep seeking God assuring me of His love.  She was comforting me because I was brokenhearted from a divorce that was now final and overwhelmed by the difficulty of being a single parent.  It made no sense to me.  I asked God why?? Why was my friend, who had a husband that loved her and this beautiful brood of children, why was she so sick? They need her God.  This isn't fair...

Then I looked at my life,  my marriage was over and my children would be shuttled back and forth between 2 homes one weekday, every other weekend and every holiday for the rest of their childhood.  Why wasn't I the one dying of cancer.  God didn't answer my questions that day but I know He was listening.  He had sent this sweet friend and the promise found in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the planss I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prospert you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  It gave me hope to continue on in my struggle.  

On that particular Saturday morning in October it was crisp but a beautiful, sunny day.  My sweet friend felt well enough and came to my house to watch the Maple Leaf Parade.  It was my first weekend without my children and I had not slept all night.  It was an honor and blessing to have a guaranteed place where she and her family could watch the parade.  I wish I had pictures of that day.   I remember her saying some really funny things and we were all laughing.  I wish I had hugged her longer before they left that day. 

The next morning at church my sweet friend was there but did not play the piano (which she always did) and so I assumed she was not feeling well.  The following week was a blur but I remember vividly the phone call I received late Saturday night October 28th.  My mind could not comprehend what the person was saying to me. How could this be true? I had just seen her on Sunday morning. Triumphantly she took her last breath and went home to be with the Lord.  I will never forget her or the influence she had on my life.  Her shared wisdom has continued to help me.  God used her then to answer questions I have now.  He knows the plans He has for our lives.  He has given me hope and a future.

I'm still thankful for Fall and the changing seasons.  Grateful for the beautiful trees, the cooler air, football games and parades.  All of these remind me of the past- good things and hard things and how faithful God is in bringing a life story full circle.  My story. Your story.  His Story.  Fall is a beautiful time of year.