Onward

     “Take note of the fortified walls, and tour all the citadels, that you may describe them to future generations. For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us until we die.” (Psalm 48:13-14 NLT) 

Recent weeks have given me a lot of things to chew on mentally. Days filled with doctor’s appointments, driving, sitting, praying, waiting, listening, staring at people who practice medicine for a living, still praying, crying, praying, being angry, being sad, praying, waiting. Lots of praying because I have a lot of questions. Like “how do I do this God?” I feel incapable of processing “is something wrong with me?” My brain is furry. All of the sudden I’m forgetting things- like words, or names and sometimes sentences just come out all wrong.. I don’t even realize it until the person I’m talking to has this confused look on their face or there is silence on the other end of the phone. It’s as if all this new information is tossed in and jumbled with the old so nothing really makes sense. 

Even when life feels confusing, my faith in God calls me to action, to keep moving onward. “Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war. With the cross of Jesus going on before.”  I didn’t know when I learned that refrain at the age of 7 what it meant. Yet as I’m reminded of it I begin to move onward and I begin to feel stronger.  I wonder if this is how everyone experiences hard things.  Do other sojourners feel like their in quicksand or like they can’t breathe?  Do they forget to go to grocery store or check the mail?  Gracious people are at every turn reminding me that it’s ok to feel. It’s ok to not have the answers and it’s ok to forget someone’s invitation when you’re in this life fog of cancer.  I now with new eyes am experiencing what others before me have gone through. My appreciation for the fighter spirit of survivors is ignited and I hope we can be that for someone else. 

Experience tells us  there are many different things to do or say when someone is processing circumstances but I’m realizing the most profound way to gain strength truly is from my relationship with God. As I read recently I came across these words in Psalm 48 and it comforted me greatly. (Pardon my paraphrasing)

So I “will take note of the fortified walls (God’s Word, family, friends, the church), and tour all the citadels” (the times God has been a fortress, protecting me from heavy attacks..what an incredible word picture!) The armor of God is like a citadel for my life. It is my pleasure and purpose to tell future generations about God’s power and protection. To tell them what God is like. That even when our life seems upside down and inside out, awkward and downright difficult or confusing - Our God is with us. He knows the way we are going. What a comfort that is. What strength I draw from that. He is my Guide.”

Whichever side of the battle I’m on I have a choice to make and so do you.  Jesus has you in His grasp. 

Confessions of a part time insomiac

 Recently I have felt the urge to write a few things again.  The thing that hinders me is that I usually get these mind boggling ideas when I’m in bed lying awake for 2-3 hours at night trying to fall asleep.  Remember what I said recently about being exhausted.. well this is probably one of the big reasons I get to that point.  I can be yawning early on around 8 pm and thinking I’m going to sleep great tonight!  So the wind down begins. I close my book, saunter to the kitchen for a bottle of water then it’s lights out and moving into my private domain. Side note- I have quite a process that I go through before “trying” to fall asleep.  It’s a little embarrassing.. I think I might be a high maintenance sleeper. 

First I check our nest for 67 degrees setting. Turn down the bed, place my water bottle strategically then into the bathroom for face washing, teeth brushing, etc. (initially I wrote out all the things I do but you don’t really care about my nighttime before bed habits so I deleted them) then I’m ready for bed.  Oh wait, fill up the cool mist humidifier because the Preacher has to have fan on year round and our bedroom seems to be airtight. By now my feet are cold which makes for an uncomfortable few minutes warming up once I’m under the covers, poor Preacher. Then chapstick and nasal gel for my always dry sinuses, pillow on the cold side and commence sleeping. Haha wring!  Within approximately 3 minutes my body temperature has adjusted and I’m now having a hot flash and have to throw the comforter off of my side of the bed.  Then I need water and fanning myself. The poor Preacher is used to it. I’m really grateful that he has a  sense of humor. Ok now it’s time to relax. 

With the lights out I begin to think about and pray for my family, all 20 bazillion of them, close guesstimate (Thank You God for the privilege of prayer, please bless by loved ones for the night and day ahead). I’m not telling you this to appear spiritual, because I’m not. I only know that when I was a young mom there were at least 2 people praying for me and our family every day and am convinced it is what helped us get through so many adjustments and truly just the flurry of every day life (God thank You for life with seven kids). I eventually doze off only to wake myself up snoring about 20 minutes later. Then is when the sleep battle begins. The thought train starts the clickety clack down the rails of my mind and I come up with all kinds of to do lists for our house,(God please help me be more content) for the garden I want to plant soon (Lord I do not have a green thumb but hose sunflowers were amazing last year, a repeat performance would be lovely)

and what can I sell on FB Marketplace to declutter our basement. (God I’m sorry we have too much stuff).  From there I am recalling conversations I had during the day where I said something I shouldn’t have (God please forgive my unruly tongue). Roll over, flip my pillow, breath slow, count sheep and try to fall asleep again, then laugh to myself as I’m reminded of the sweet, silly picture I received of a beloved grandchild today (God thank You for my grand babies). This pattern may continue for a few hours until I finally drop off into a pretty deep sleep that lasts til around 4 am when nature calls and I shuffle to the bathroom and return cold, wide awake and back to thinking all the thoughts. 

So maybe I will jot down some of the thoughts I’m thinking instead of just thinking them.  Then maybe I will get some sleep. Maybe..

Fred & Red’s

Leftovers.  I have learned to enjoy eating leftovers.  If you can put them on tortilla chips or a potato for lunch the next day you've got a winner!  When you live on a budget there are undoubtedly going to be days when lunch is leftovers.  Today it just so happens to be day THREE of the same leftovers. The abundant amount of leftovers is the result of an idea The PreAcHer had when he caught sight of the coveted recipe for Fred and Red's Chili. 

Fred and Red's was a historic greasy spoon diner located in Joplin, Missouri until 3.5 years ago when the current owner retired.  Fred and Red's got its start in 1923 (if you don't know the story check it out on wikipedia)  I recall going there as a kid once with my dad.  He ordered spaghetti red for us  which I consumed ravenously.  My chin, my lips and the inside of my mouth were covered in that greasy delight. There was an impressive pile of napkins i used to wipe away the evidence, happy with my full belly yet unaware of the after effects I was going to forbear.  

If you are local and got to experience Fred and Red's then you know what I'm talking about.  For those of you that haven't - I spent the rest of the evening in the bathroom.  I never really forgot about that experience and had not eaten any Fred and Red's since that time- until this past weekend.  I'm happy to say my stomach is much more qualified (aged) to handle the amount of spiciness and the grease.  The recipe I used makes a huge amount of F & R's chili that can be used for nachos, coneys, spaghetti red, etc.  The PreAcHer copied it from a Facebook post and sent it to me (see below)
                              

  JoMo's Fred & Red's Spaghetti Red Chili - (no tomato) 

6 pounds ground beef (not chuck or ground round - do not drain)

3 (1 ounce) packages Williams Chili Seasoning

1 tablespoon crushed garlic

1 tablespoon cumin

4 teaspoons salt

1 (or 2) sleeves saltine crackers - crushed fine into cracker meal

Brown ground beef. Add the chili seasoning, garlic, cumin and salt. Simmer 15 minutes. Add 2 quarts water and cracker meal: simmer one hour.

Note: This recipe calls for one sleeve of saltine crackers; however two may be to your liking. The longer it simmers, the better it gets - a day or two in the fridge will mingle the flavors and produce an even better tasting chili.

Leftovers.  Breakfast.  Lunch.  Dinner.  Haha no not really, I didn't eat it for breakfast but it might have been kind of yummy mixed with scrambled eggs or hash browns.  After lunch today I decided to ziploc the remains and freeze them for another time.  And the next time I eat Fred and Red's Chili I will remember to remember the past and be thankful for things as simple as that day my dad and I ate together at that greasy diner that became a historic part of southwest Missouri. 

This is us...

So here we are 19 years strong. Life has bustled on and like never in the past, we sat Halloween night waiting for the rush of trick or treaters and watching the World Series (Go Royals!).  Feeling blessed and happy that we got to see some of our children and two of our sweet grandchildren in costume and of course Frank (the Boxer) made an appearance and wore Uncle Trigger (our VeRy old Lab) completely out. Later I got texts and an email with pictures of the other grandchildren to make the day complete.   Having an empty nest is a lot different than I imagined, after years of doing and being responsible for so many it's easy to become lazy and complacent spending hours literally doing nothing productive. As a matter of fact i feel very unprepared many a day because i have spent so little time getting my thoughts and plans mentally organized.  Too much time can be a foe. I find myself forgetting things that are important if i don't make a point to follow up and complete a task right away.  It gets tucked in a locked file in my mind and I forget it's even there.  I battle fickleness (out of sight - out of mind) I battle losing track of things because i put them exactly where i knew I wouldn't forget they were only to completely forget, where i put them. I know what you're thinking (this lady is getting old and doesn't want to admit it).  I tried to feign early alzheimer's to The PrEacHer today but he didn't buy it.  This post is to get me thinking.  To get me moving toward a goal i have to share information, to share news, to clear my foggy mind. Im not going to expect much from it starting out because honestly i can't really put two good thoughts together right now.  My mind is already spinning thinking of all the other things i should be doing instead of this.  However, God has done great and unbelievable things in me and I am so grateful i don't want to keep His goodness to myself.  It's good to recognize the changing seasons of life and embrace them.  This is going to be the best chapter yet.  So... here we are 19 years strong.