Enough

Have you known days in life when you felt like you just wanted to run away? It's been a veritable string of Monday's with too much month at the end to the money and out of eagerness to win approval every request made of you (whether good or bad) you've met with "sure, I can help with that".  Maybe you've been staying up too late or skipping responsibilities because you're a grown up and you can make your own choices... You may be saying in your head "mind your own beeswax".  Regardless, there will be those days when you've had ENOUGH.

Truly I could not say any of this if I hadn't already been in the same shoes.  My choices were less than exemplary and i did whatever made me feel better for the moment many times. So, my goal is not to condemn but to share some hope that there is a better way.  For me the struggle begins when there has been precious little time spent in prayer and even less in writing God's ever-valuable Word on my heart.  Thereby allowing the world to dictate who i am instead of focusing on the plan God has for my life and being accountable to fellow believers.  If Jesus is not part of your life, emotionally, the heart will reach empty and become a life in tossed about in a storm that's headed for wipe out.

Let's be honest, there are some current trend "go-to" methods for handling the circumstances we are in; that seem favorable in the moment of high stress. After all, what is a Generation X, Y or Z human to do? For starters you could keep running up debt on your trusty credit card with more new summer outfits, some modish Vans, and that long overdue hair appointment you deserve.  How about gorging on take out and ice cream because you don't feel like cooking (again). Why not hit the casino because your fortune cookie said you're going to have a streak of good luck and we all know fortune cookies don't lie (ha). Another common option is a pity-party-posting of the latest undeserved struggle on Facebook for the world to cry along with us.  Certainly there is also the ever popular "blast in a glass" method that will leave you with a splitting headache and possibly unsure about whom you were with or what you did last night. Are you catching the common theme in these means of dealing with difficulty.  What do you do when you have a bad day?  All of these modern day coping tools sadly, leave your life, your wallet, and your heart emptier than ever.

A quick fix is never the answer for the long term changes that will produce positive results and grant the peace that will remind you of how temporary storms in life are.  People, there is a better way, a healthier way, and a non self-deprecating way to face the storms in your life.  Here are some practical tips to smooth out your day and get your focus back where is belongs.

*Take a few moments.  Start your day with silence and prayer.  Get by yourself, close the door, bow your head and ask God to give you strength and courage to let go of what is dragging you down and regain a calm focus on what you CAN do today.  One day at a time is more than enough for any of us to tackle. 

*Read it/write it.  Get your Bible out and read chapter from one of the Gospels (John is my personal fav) and then a Psalm or two. Reading a few short verses will help remind you to keep your focus on God.  Example: " I have told you these things, so that in Me (Jesus) you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world!" John 16:33

*Be financially responsible.  if credit cards are an issue, get yourself a budget that will keep your bills paid and start paying down any debt you owe.  Stop buying things you cannot afford.  You will be surprised how quickly you can pay off debt when you stop spending on things you did not budget for. (We started doing Dave Ramsey- not saying you have too, many years ago and we have NOT regretted telling our income what to do! It is truly freeing to live on a budget!) Try eating meals at home or brown bag it until you get your finances under control and can allocate funds to do things that should be considered a luxury. (if you get the chance to visit a third world country you will understand this Big Time).  And yep I'm going to say it- the first thing you need to do with income is tithe (10% at least) to God, because it's His anyway.  If it isn't to a local church there are many organizations that work to be the "hands and feet "of Jesus to communities that welcome cash donations. God will bless you in ways you can't even imagine. Try it and you will see!!

*Eat Healthier. (Believe me, I struggle with this the most and have to remind myself to stop simply being lazy and do the work that will help me feel better physically) it may not always be the easier thing to do.  It takes a lot of effort to think about meal planning, making grocery lists, shopping, preparing and cooking. You reap great benefits from doing it though!  You will find you spend less money eating out and junk food, which your wallet and your body will appreciate you for.  It also forces us to spend less time zoning out on social media and wishing your life was like the pictures you see on Pinterest and Facebook. Your life is what you make it not what other people strategically photograph and showcase for the world's approval.  Really... isn't the main purpose of instagram; to gain approval??  Last of all if you eat better, all your clothes will fit better and that will put a smile on your face!

*Do whatever comes next.  Not one of us will get a perpetual free ride in life.  No one will get out of a rut or overcome a struggle without putting in effort, so DO SOMETHING.  Get yourself moving. Make a plan. Clean a closet. Do your homework. Go for a walk. Visit your Grandpa. Write a letter to someone to encourage them (snail mail is AmaZing). Read your Bible every day. Pay your bills on time. Finish a project. Hug your loved ones. Do laundry. Serve in your community. Be kind. Pray (ALOT).  Never take for granted the time you have and use it to bless other people and glorify God.  I didn't expect what came next for us. Cancer.  But all of these things I have mentioned are my reminders every day to keep fighting the good fight and running the race to finish strong - all by the grace and mercy of God.  

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You" Isaiah 26:3

Onward

     “Take note of the fortified walls, and tour all the citadels, that you may describe them to future generations. For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us until we die.” (Psalm 48:13-14 NLT) 

Recent weeks have given me a lot of things to chew on mentally. Days filled with doctor’s appointments, driving, sitting, praying, waiting, listening, staring at people who practice medicine for a living, still praying, crying, praying, being angry, being sad, praying, waiting. Lots of praying because I have a lot of questions. Like “how do I do this God?” I feel incapable of processing “is something wrong with me?” My brain is furry. All of the sudden I’m forgetting things- like words, or names and sometimes sentences just come out all wrong.. I don’t even realize it until the person I’m talking to has this confused look on their face or there is silence on the other end of the phone. It’s as if all this new information is tossed in and jumbled with the old so nothing really makes sense. 

Even when life feels confusing, my faith in God calls me to action, to keep moving onward. “Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war. With the cross of Jesus going on before.”  I didn’t know when I learned that refrain at the age of 7 what it meant. Yet as I’m reminded of it I begin to move onward and I begin to feel stronger.  I wonder if this is how everyone experiences hard things.  Do other sojourners feel like their in quicksand or like they can’t breathe?  Do they forget to go to grocery store or check the mail?  Gracious people are at every turn reminding me that it’s ok to feel. It’s ok to not have the answers and it’s ok to forget someone’s invitation when you’re in this life fog of cancer.  I now with new eyes am experiencing what others before me have gone through. My appreciation for the fighter spirit of survivors is ignited and I hope we can be that for someone else. 

Experience tells us  there are many different things to do or say when someone is processing circumstances but I’m realizing the most profound way to gain strength truly is from my relationship with God. As I read recently I came across these words in Psalm 48 and it comforted me greatly. (Pardon my paraphrasing)

So I “will take note of the fortified walls (God’s Word, family, friends, the church), and tour all the citadels” (the times God has been a fortress, protecting me from heavy attacks..what an incredible word picture!) The armor of God is like a citadel for my life. It is my pleasure and purpose to tell future generations about God’s power and protection. To tell them what God is like. That even when our life seems upside down and inside out, awkward and downright difficult or confusing - Our God is with us. He knows the way we are going. What a comfort that is. What strength I draw from that. He is my Guide.”

Whichever side of the battle I’m on I have a choice to make and so do you.  Jesus has you in His grasp. 

100 percent

                                                             

What do you do when you have an empty well?  During those weeks when there seems to be no relief. The days when you wake up with the throbbing headache.  You’ve had several sleepless nights trying to solve the world’s problems and counting sheep availeth nothing. Personally, those are the days I find most difficult to keep moving. I imagine my warm bed with my Snoopy blanket and the cool mist humidifier whispering my name. Those cycles of no sleep or fitful sleep alternate with weeks of exhaustion.  That’s where I’m at today. I strangely had experienced weeks of not needing a nap, not feeling tired at night (sleeping only 5 hours) and still raring to go the next day.  Then boom! I have been really tired the past few days. I have completely hit a wall. Thinking is difficult. My brain is out of focus. Though I notice a pattern I haven’t figured out yet when this will overtake me.  Generally it hits me out of nowhere.  So I have learned some lessons along the way that help me combat what I will refer to as my “Jayme the Grouch” days.  

Now just to keep you in the loop on me- I am middle aged and menopausal so I’ve learned to allow myself some grace to get through this.  Thankfully the Preacher does too!  One of the ways I proceed with caution when my body and mind have a mind of their own is to keep myself to some sort of routine.  The best thing for me to do upon waking is to not stay in bed (even though I’m screaming tired) I choose to roll myself upright and put my feet on the floor right away.  Getting up early tells my brain it’s time to start moving.  I put on sweats and head to the kitchen to make some hot tea- fruity ones like blueberry or raspberry zinger are my favorites.  Having quiet time on the back deck in the early light of day, when its peaceful is something I started doing last year.   Today it was cold still (30 something degrees) so I sat at our kitchen table and hung my head. I decided to listen to scripture to try to focus on God’s word,  it barely starts and a million thoughts start running through my head. The devotional thoughts remind me today of the story of Nadab and Abihu from Lev. 10:1-2 and speaks about how the access to the Presence of God should never be taken for granted. Ouch. That is exactly what I was doing. Half listening half listing all the things I need to do.  I am convicted.  But this is what I need! I need this time.  Even if its 15 minutes.  I need to soak my mind in God’s Word. To thank Him for so many blessings.  Next I’m out the door as another practice I try to keep is a brisk walk in my surrounding neighborhood, usually 30 minutes, although I admit its been extra sporadic since the beginning of December. Getting fresh air makes a huge difference in my attitude. I’m always glad and feel better when I’m able to walk.

On work days my time is more limited but I still try to do these practices as it keeps me somewhat scheduled.  It gives me a false sense of control in my laugh (laugh). So today following my loved morning habits I quickly showered, dressed, packed my work bag and headed out the door. Somehow I managed to be one of the first one’s to work, WHEW! Then as I walked into my office I turned and was met by one of my coworkers who was weeping. She had received bad news the night before. I mean REALLY bad news. I tried to comfort her but felt at a loss for words.  During those situations I don’t want to extend a platitude. But I did ask her if I could pray with her. (God please use me)  A few minutes later as I sat down my cell buzzed...it was the Preacher- “truck messed up I’m at the shop again” then another message- asking for prayer for a trying circumstance of a new friend.  And literally in 15 minutes my well felt dry, my thoughts were racing and it occurred to me that I needed a Pepsi.  (That is not the answer at all- but it happens to be my go to most of the time) It was a momentary escape from dealing and provided that sweet shot of caffeine I thought I needed.  Unfortunately, I think my problem is that I want to have life always be perfect, smooth, and without struggle but guess what?? It’s not. It never will be on this side of heaven. 

Functioning at half full and far less than 100 percent has become a way of life for most of us. When we are tired (like I’ve been the past few days) or not taking time to sit before the Lord and listen- a quick “fix” is waiting right there to tempt us. Maybe your “fix” is shopping, or binge watching Netflix, drinking to relax or forget, spending an extra hour at the gym, or gambling and the rush it can bring, FOOD, posting an extra flattering selfie to get all the likes/loves and comments your self esteem craves, maybe its more detrimental to your overall heath like drugging or illicit sexual encounters.  Whatever it is that’s taking the place of Jesus in your life.  Whatever it is that keeps you from being 100% all in to your relationship with Him.  Remember God is still good even when life doesn’t feel good. May you seek to become accountable and discover the things that will keep your well from drying up. I have offered a few suggestions here that I hope will give you some ideas on ways to stay steadfast on your journey.  

The giant encouragement I hope you will get from this post is that we all have struggles and face trying days, but even when we aren’t at the top of our game we can overcome.  Sometimes it takes stopping and admitting to ourself, to God and to others that we don’t have it all together.  I hope you will join me in deciding “we” aren’t throwing in the towel but will make some good, positive habits that will sustain us through the tired days when “____________the Grouch has moved in wants to take over. Don’t let that side of you win. God is faithful. I will continue to believe.